Saturday, March 17, 2012

One Year

I have not found myself marking the months consistently but the one year mark is screaming at me for attention.  Tommorrow, it will be one year since Ashley took her last breath in our arms.  How is it possible that we have watched one child pass away from us, and then another...

Knowing that this day was coming, I have been posting more about Ashley.  Sensing that this weekend will be hard, I've been doing a lot of thinking.   How do we commemorate the day, and how do we make the day special?  I had heard some wisdom that it is best to go away for the first anniversary, so we had planned a trip.  Well, the flu hit our house last Saturday, and one by one we have each gotten sick.  Mira was puking most of Saturday night.  After a couple hours of puking she had nothing left in her stomach and she would just roll over and heave in my arms.  She reminded me SO MUCH of Hope in that moment.  Alex got sick while he was away on a work trip (poor guy) and I got sick next.  Today, Brodie started puking. travelling.  Sound familiar?

It's kind of appropriate actually.  Our life with Ashley and Hope involved a lot of hands on care, holding and cleaning up.  We made our life at home as simple as possible (as the girls became sicker especially) and avoided a lot of activities so that we could take care of them better and minimize stress.  And here we find ourselves again, as we remember Ashley.  Instead of a trip out to Elkhorn, we are staying home to do what's best for our family and that feels right.

We'll still remember Ashley and look at her baby book, as well as her slideshows.  Tommorrow we'll be able to go to the cemetary if Brodie is feeling well enough and maybe even sit there for a picnic.  We'll sing Ashley and Hope the songs we used to sing to them, and know that they are singing with us now.  Tommorrow is Ashley's heaven birthday.  We'll celebrate the six years we were given to love and hold our special girl.

Forever we will love you Ashley!