Friday, June 1, 2012

Pray a thank you

I came across this photo of Hopey, taken in December of 2008.  I paused because Mira is now wearing that same sleeper and often has the same little pigtails.  It's felt a little confusing to look at Hopey laying there in my arms, trying to take a bottle, and then look at Mira wearing the princess sleeper, but she's running around and saying words.

I look at Hopey in this picture and remember, but it is strange to be remembering, when it feels like yesterday.  Ashley and Hope aren't here, but they don't feel far away.  I miss them each day, but I don't think of them every moment.  I'm grieving inside but I'm functioning and joyful on the outside.

Life is full of contradictions.

This next photo reminds me of all the photos I have of Brodie cuddling Ashley or Hope.  How many times a day do we marvel and wonder at the blessing of Mira and Brodie in our lives?  It is ongoing...

And at the same time, we wonder at the blessings of having had Ashley and Hope in our lives.  How would we have appreciated the deep joy of two healthy children, without the experience of our journey with Ashley and Hope? 

Mira puts her warm, chubby arms around my neck and squeezes tight
and I pray a thank you

Mira sings out her joy in church with no thought for those who might want to hear the homily
and I pray a thank you

Mira runs at Brodie with her arms open wide, tackling him with her hug
and I pray a thank you

Brodie reminds me that we should help Mira know the girls, by making her a special book
and I pray a thank you

Brodie takes Mira by the hand and lovingly shows her the butterfly's that symbolize life
and I cry a little as I pray a thank you.