Giving is healing

Ashley and Hope taught me how to give.  I didn't always give with a willing spirit, and I wasn't always joyful but I can tell you what was beautiful.  The beautiful days were the ones when I accepted the work, put aside my own agenda, and gave myself over to loving.  The beautiful days happened when God gave me the grace to love Ashley and Hope without rushing to be done with the work involved with their care.  The beautiful days always involved giving, not getting.

I was reminded of this reality, when I listened to a speaker who shared her own journey of losing two children.  After the first funeral, she felt desperate to escape the debilitating feeling of pain, but was unsure of what to do.  When she read a suggestion that she seek out someone else who was in need and serve that person, she thought, 'ya, right'....but it worked.

I listened to her and a lightbulb went on for me.  I've experienced those days of sadness that were lightened by a choice to do something for someone else.  I've also experienced the sad days when I chose to have a nap, or a coffee break or read a book (distractions that have some value).  The interesting thing is that the distractions didn't serve me well.  They weren't bad, but they weren't fruitful either.  They were just distractions that gave me a 'break' from the sadness.  Giving, on the other hand, always led to a lighter feeling, sometimes even to joy.

I love that!  It makes so much sense to me, that I should use offer up my sadness to God, and serve him by blessing someone else.  I can count numerous memories when I have felt joy at giving.  I'm sure everyone can think of these moments in their lives.  Giving is part of healing.  We weren't meant to serve ourselves.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the opportunity to serve, to love, and to give to these precious children.