Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Ashley's Season

We're entering Ashley's season, and it occurred to me that it would be fun to return to the blog.  I haven't written in five years, so I'm guessing that this is just between my girls and myself.

Ashley it is a very interesting thing, to find myself crying today, and then I realize your birthday is coming up...it's your season.  I call it your season because Feb. 17th is your birthday and it is followed by Mar. 18th, which is your heaven day.  We buy a floating balloon, because Mira loves that, and make a little remembrance spot with your pictures and candles as we talk to you and ask you to pray for us and others.

We move into Hope's season in the summer with her birthday, which is followed by her heaven day a month later.  And then we move into busy season with Mira's birthday in the fall, and pumpkins, and school, then Christmas.  Until we roll around to Ashley's season again.  It has a nice rhythm to it.

The tears are good.  I won't give them too much attention, since they come and go. I love remembering my girls.  Mira is a great help in remembering them, because I get to share stories and pictures with her.  It feels good to sit here...writing...with not too much to say.  I tried to write a few years ago, and had an intense anxiety attack, that left me recovering for a few hours on the couch.  Apparently, I wasn't ready.  My counselor has given me excellent strategies to use for the anxiety and panic that developed after the girls died.  It's been a rather amusing process, since I handled so much for so long....and then found that I couldn't do very much.  It has been humbling and I'm grateful.

There is a lot I could say about this journey, but I'm not sure how far to go here.  Perhaps I'll be back to share more...


Unknown said...

Still have your blog in my favorites, just as you are my heart favorites!

Unknown said...

Love Renette!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry.

I found your blog and you were an incredible mother to them, I'm sure.

My son was recently diagnosed, I have been trying to deal with it. I live in Brazil.

My feelings to you and your family. Be alright