Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween, everyone.  Yesterday we enjoyed making caramel popcorn, and carving our pumpkins.  I was amazed at how much I enjoyed it.  In fact, I didn't realize how little I enjoyed the previous attempts at pumpkin carving (in the midst of meds and diaper changes ect.).  We have always made the effort to keep up with the family stuff, for Brodie's sake, but now I can really see how hard I pushed myself.  Last night we really had fun, and I was amazed because I really thought we had fun other years.  I guess we didn't have to rush this year.

When I realized that we didn't have to rush, I felt a little quieter and thought of Ashley and Hope.  It is so good to remember them.  It's kind of sad that no one can ask how they are doing anymore, because I like to share them with people.  Some might forget about them eventually, and even now it appears that Ashley and Hope are part of the past.  But here is a reality that you should know.  One's child never disappears into the past.  Ashley and Hope will always be in my present.  When I get to share a memory of them, or talk about how I decorated their grave, or dress Mira in their clothes, then my reality is honored.  It's good to remember.

Here is Ashley in October of 2009.  We tried to dress her up in a costume that my mom had made for us kids when we were small.

Here is Hope in 2008, when we tried to dress her up as a cow.

We didn't take the girls out to trick-or-treat, and I didn't always dress them up, but they were always part of the family.  Now of course, I kind of wish I had more pics of dressing them up.  I have to remind myself that I really did do the best I could.