Remember when...

I've spent the last week trying to post the slideshow from Hope's funeral, but it isn't working.  In the meantime, I've been having a lot of memories float by on my computer screen as the screensaver scrolls through my computer photos.  Remember when Hope was smaller and we were trying to encourage her to use the switch toy (Feb, 2009)?  The big yellow flat thing, is a switch, to turn on the music.  If she pushed on the yellow pad, the music would turn on, and if she pushed again, it would turn off.  It never really worked (in other words, she didn't care about it), but Brodie had fun with it.

Ashley tried the switch toy as well, but she didn't like how it vibrated when her hand held it down.  She would jump when her hand accidentally pushed the button, and then she would start posturing.  So, we didn't use it for her very much.

Remember when we had to wrap Hope as tight as possible to keep her arms still so that she wouldn't cry for hours?  She cried a lot between Nov08 and Mar09 (inconsolable sobs), but eventually we found that high doses of Gabapentin helped the irritability.

You can see Lauren (one of our respite workers) trying to console Hope in the pic below, and of course, Brodie jumped into the picture to say 'hi'.  This was in April of 2009.

I would say that we are doing fine here.  Although it is still very strange to try and get used to this.  I still pause in my day and feel like I'm missing someone, forgetting a task, or just realize that yes, this is the new normal.  We went for a walk as a family last night and I had a moment where I thought, "Oh no, we're not all here, who's missing", and then realized that yes, it's just the four of us now.

These moments happen, and I'm not finding them unbearable right now.  I'm glad that I can remember my girls and still share them with you a little.  Perhaps I'll find it harder as I go on, but right now I truly feel God's powerful hand supporting me each day.  And I give thanks...