Time

Time seems to have slowed down.  I feel like the funeral was just yesterday.  Really, it feels like I've barely moved past that day, and yet I know better.  I feel like I'm moving in slow motion.  The day stretches out like never before.  I get up, take care of breakfast and kids, get Brodie to school and play with Mira.  I put her to bed and feel exhausted, thinking to myself, "it must be 1030 already", but it's only 9am.  How is that possible?  Every day feels incredibly long, still good, but long.  It is the strangest feeling. 

I'm starting to think that I've running a marathon for years, trying to keep up and now it's the cool down period.  I actually had energy to empty the dishwasher at 8pm and then decided to make lunches for the next day.  Wierd.  Normally I would have been collapsing onto the couch by 8pm, after frantically trying to get all the kids settled before my energy would run out.

I've been able to take care of little projects each day when Mira naps, and it's a good feeling.  I often find myself surprised when I realize I am enjoying a simple task like sweeping the floor.  Maybe it's the thankfullness thing that I'm trying out.  Thanking God is a good 'mind task'.  But maybe I'm still feeling the relief that comes after the storm.  I definitely miss Hope and Ashley, and I have my crying moments each day, but I also feel relief.  The workload is hard to explain, and I could make it look easier when visitors came because I would do so much before guests came and usually have to cut out a lot that I would normally do for the girls.  Even with the respite help, I struggled to keep up.  It's not a bad thing to feel relief and I know that it is a normal reaction, so I'll just go with it.

So, now I have time and I'm going to be selfish.  I'm staying home and letting it sink in.  I know you'll understand that we don't want visitors yet.