Better

Hope is looking good again.  She's still coughing up a lot of yellow secretions and that's a good thing.  I was able to hold her on the deck and listen to the rain, which was great because I was having a 'crying' day.  You may get tired of reading up the 'ups and downs' that Hope endures.  Perhaps you even have a moment of thinking "Oh bother, here we go again".  I sometimes consider leaving it off the blog, but then decide that most people are supporting me through the ups and downs and don't mind hearing about it.  Despite the fact that her vomitting episodes are familiar, they still bring on the same feelings of hopelessness and painful helplessness each time. 

Now that they are coming so often, I'm not finding the time to deal the emotions involved.  Apparently I am a little 'slow' when it comes to processing these emotions, because I always function well in the crisis.  Then I have a couple angry/sad/disgusted/grouchy days about a week after the event.  You may have noticed that I don't broadcast these days on the blog...te he!  I'm sure you can imagine how well this works for me, with the vomitting episodes happening every couple weeks.  I'm rather glad that I have come to the conclusion that I am allowed to be sad, and that I can still function while I'm sad.  I just slow down, play some music and remind myself to put away 'the list'.  I've decided that being sad is just fine, and if I try to avoid it, then I get angry.  It's OKAY to be sad and yes, it always passes.  How could it not, when I have little cuties all over the house...