Having Ashley at home while she was dying, gave us a chance to feel our emotions and listen to our instincts. Yesterday morning I felt the need to give Ashley a sponge bath, even though she didn't really need it. As I washed her body and rubbed her little hands with lotion, I had the thought that this could be the last time I would bath her. She was still breathing fast, and nothing really changed but as I finished her bath, I felt a moment of 'panic'. That's not really the right word, but it's close. I just knew that I should call Alex home from work, and even if she was fine, he could still come home to support me. Alex arrived home around noon, and was able to have a couple hours cuddling Ashley on the couch. I gave him some time with her, and had a little rest. I awoke after 30 minutes and felt refreshed (which I was surprised at), so I got up and went to Ashley. I had just a little more time with her. Alex opened the door to his parents, who had arrived, and then we sat down with Ashley and she took her last breath. It was so incredibly beautiful. She was quiet and peaceful, and breathing nice and even...and then she wasn't. She just lay there, and you could almost feel her beautiful spirit drift up to heaven.
Mom & Dad Allen were able to go pick Brodie up from school. We had some time with Brodie, and he is handling things as an 8 year old would. He experiences some emotion and then takes a break to play wii, then comes back again. He's doing well. It will be an adjustment for all of us. When it was time for Ashley's body to go to the funeral home, we asked Brodie if he wanted to say good-bye again. I liked what he said..."Why Mom, she's already gone." Yep, he was right. She's already in heaven.
Today we will start planning the funeral. Information will be posted here of course.
31 comments:
Oh Jolene, I am crying for you today & rejoicing with you too. What a time of conflicting feelings & emotions. So happy for you that you were able to be there & see her last breath. That is a gift.
Love you,
Angela
Your ongoing strength, and peaceful post say so much about who you and Alex are. Our thoughts and prayers are with you through this difficult time. We love you guys, and will miss Ashley so much.
Love Darren, Janice and Keira
What a gift to be able to be with Ashley during her last hours! Praying for you today and in the days to come.
Erica
Dear Alex, Jolene and family, We are very sadded to hear your news, Zenon and I wanted to let you know you are in our thoughts. Your description of your time together is so special and your instincts as a mother amaze me- sending you love and strength at this very difficult time- we all feel her loss and grieve with you. Love the Forsters
Praying for our Father's arms to wrap you all in His strength & love today and in the days to come!
Love, Val
praying for you....sending you many hugs....
be well,
Lisa :)
I am so glad you were able to be with Ashley as she left her Earthly body, I know she would have felt wrapped in your love and that allowed her to go so peacefully. Your family with be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days. Hugs.Emma
Thank you for sharing your sad news and beautiful account of Ashley's passing. May her spirit be free and her body rest in peace. Your intuition and strength is so powerful - I am thankful that her passing was peaceful and you were surrounded with support. Our thoughts are with you as you continue on through this journey in the days and weeks to come. Hugs to you all.
Love,
Todd, Karin, Emily, Kate and Cohen
Thinking of you and shedding tears for you all today. I know there are no words, but just know that I am covering you all in prayer today. May God's peace surround you in the days ahead. I'm always here when you need a friend...anytime. (I pray that Noah was there to meet Ashley at the pearly gates. What fun they must be having already!!)
Dear Alex & Jolene,
Despite knowing what the right thing to say or do might be, we just want you to know that we love you all.
I can't imagine what you all must be feeling, but I do hope that there is comfort knowing that your angel is finally in heaven in peace and comfort. I wish I could be there to embrace you with a heartfelt hug.
Our prayers are with you.
Sending all our love,
Sally & Jason Lauze
Jolene and Family,
You are all in my heart and prayers at this time. Thank you for letting me know Ashley, a true angel. Words can't describe what a beautiful child you were all blessed with. I will truly miss Ashley, her smiles and her special way of giving me so much in such a short time. My heart is really sad, but happy knowing that Ashley is in peace.
R.
You and your family are in the thoughts of all of us in portage this weekend. ....natalie
What beautiful devotion you have had to this blog to let us all know how the girls and family are doing.
Thank you, we love you and your spirit. xo
Dear Alex, Jolene, & family, I am very sorry to hear about Ashley. She was a very special, beautiful little girl who will be missed greatly. My thoughts are with your family.
Love,
Candace
Dear Alex, Jolene & Family
Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. Your Ashely holds a very special place in the heart of our Ashley! I am so pleased that we had the opportunity to spend a weekend with Ashley & Hope a year ago when our Ashley brought them out Feb/10. We had so many wonderful cuddles with Ashley and shared in her beautiful smile. Words cannot express how inspirational your family is. How lucky Ashley was to have been blessed with you both as parents and part of such a wonderful, loving family. Be proud of the love you gave her!
Sincerely
Debbie Johnston
As Natalie and Candace have already written, we are praying and thinking of you and your family. We love you so much. I am so sorry. God Bless you richly today. Anita
A beautiful ending, but a more wonderful beginning place awaits Ashley. So happy Ashley left surrounded by her mom, dad and grandparents.
Love
Uncle Dennis
Praying for you and your family!
Sandie
Praying peace and strength on you . . .
Wendy
Praying for you & Alex & family, again you're freedom to accept and share everything with others is a blessing to all who listen.
In Christ
Brenda & Ken
Ashley and God are with you Jolene, Alex and family. She is with Him -- no more pain and only eternal peace and joy. May our dear Lord grant you peace and strength in your grief.
Teresita, Anthony and Allegra
Dear Alex, Jolene,and Family,
I am so sorry to hear that Ashley has left this earthly world as I know that you will all miss her terribly. I am so grateful that your last few hours with her were peaceful and that you were able to trust your instincts. I had prayed that if Ashley had to go it would be peaceful for all of you...and apparently it was.
Sending you love, strength and prayers,
Kristen and Family
Dear Alex & Jolene
Reading todays blog I was saddened and Joyous at the same time for your family. Anyone that has held a loved one as they pass into the next phase knows the utter dispair that losing them forever brings and the utter joy that your loved one is in a better place brings all at the same moment. You had her in your life and she brought so much into it, you were able to hold her and say your goodbyes on her last breath. What a gift.
Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Ron, Tracy Rose & family
Dear Jolene, Alex, and family,
I am at a loss to know what to say, except that my heart goes out to you as you experience such great loss because of such great love. Your sharing has touched me and I am sure many others, as it so beautifully reflects God's love and the Father's heart for His children. I can certainly see why God would have chosen such a special family for such special girls. May His love flood over your home and family and continue to give strength and everything else you need during this time. You are truly beautiful! Prayerfully, Helen (from Crystal City)
Jolene, Alex and family,
I know the joy that Ashley brought to your lives will carry you through this tough time. She was a lucky girl to be surrounded by her loving family in her last hours. Our thoughts are with you.
Heather & Jeff
We pray to be granted the grace of a happy death and so it was for Ashley. I'm crying now as I think of you saying goodbye to your little girl. How fortunate that she had you and Alex for parents; you gave her such love and care and the best life she could have. You are tremendous witnesses of God's unconditional love.
Dear Alex, Jolene and family,
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's passing.
Alex and Family,
My family's thoughts are with yours. Discovering your blog for the first time today was an inspirational account of the love and faith you share.
Your cubicle neighbor,
Miguel.
Alex and Jolene,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and the children at this difficult time.
Andrew, Alexander, and Nadya
So sorry to hear of Hopes passing. When I heard the news all I could think of was that at least they had time with Hope after losing Ashley and today I caught up on your blog and that was one of your comments. The comment about the picture touched my heart deeply as that is one of my daily moments when I look at a pic of Dad or Denis and think that is all we have left of them is a photo. I know that losing your Dad and brother isn't the same as losing 2 young daughters but the hearts hurt the same and the tears cleanse the same. Know that Dad and Denis loved to tease the little ones especially the girls because their reponses were so giggly and squeally. So think of them being thrown into the air and the giggles that they are producing will bring a tear and a smile to all our faces.
Hugs
Tracy, Ron & family
Grace Allen & family
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